BurbleChaz

Connoisseurs of the other blog may be able to work out why I felt a little fragile on my trip to the market this morning. There was a strong possibility that I didn't have enough blood in my alcohol stream, so I lumbered onto a City Circle and breathed beer fumes onto unsuspecting tourists. I think I ruined some holidays.

My purchasing strategy at the market may have been a bit sub-optimal. 'Give me one of them, two of those and a kilo of chillis. And some coffee. And some sausages.

Once I'd unloaded the bags at home, there was clearly only one solution. Incineration. I'd never get rid of this amount of food any other way.

We saddled up in the Toorak Tractor in search of suitable equipment. We started by trying Bunnings, the local huge warehouse-style DIY chain. I was led there by one of their television adverts which showed the sort of charcoal-fired barbecue I was hoping for. They don't sell them any more. Grrr. They do sell tables and chairs ideal for our balcony, so we bought those instead. To their credit, they pointed us in the direction of a competitor who did sell exactly what we were looking for.

For reasons still unclear to me, while on the way to the barbecue shop we fell ito the event horizon of the largest shopping mall in Melbourne. Not to be distracted, I persisted in my search for outdoor cooking equipment while Other People had a shopping frenzy. We saw less than a third of the whole shopping complex, but it has already received high praise from The Shopper.

I'd started my day buying large lumps of meat and ludicrous quantities of vegetables. We managed to pick up solid fuel, tongs, spatulas, firelighters and a gas lighter. We almost forgot to get the actual barbecue. That would have been (a) My Fault and (b) a bit embarrassing.

We went back to the Specialist Barbecue Vendor and chose a 47cm kettle-style unit.

Once we'd got it home, the Impatient Engineer assembled the whole thing, and left me to screw up the fire management. I added a bit too much fuel on our first run, but it all worked out OK. At least we didn't have to send out for pizza.

TongMaster