BurbleChaz

I am absolutely no good at shopping. Browsing, inspecting, choosing - all a mystery. I am particularly bad at shopping when things are busy. My purchasing model is simple: Decide I need something, go to shop that sells it, hand over cash. Any deviation from this simple algorithm and I give up. Other People find this very frustrating.

With Christmas a week away, the pressure is building. So, off I toddled, plastic in hand, to Melbourne's Retail Experience. Fun it was not. Rather than reopen recent wounds, I shall share with you two vignettes from distant ends of the customer-service spectrum

• Me: You see that huge, intricate stack of display items?
• Them: Yes....
• Me: You see that item right at the bottom?
• Them: Yeeessss....
• Me: The only one of its type and colour in the shop?
• Them: You want it, don't you?
• Me: Yup.
• Them: Won't be a moment, sir.
• Me: (once the stack is finally rebuilt) Can you give me a discount on it?
• Them: Naturally.

I like that shop. The next one was amusing in a different way:

• Me: (selects two items from the display stands and carries to till)
• Them: That one's not in stock. Won't be in until New Year.
• Me: Should I inquire as to why it is still on prominent display inside and outside?
• Them (blank stare)
• Me: How about this other item?
• Them: Yeah, we've got loads of those. You'll have to pay cash, though. Our eftpos is down.
• Me: (weeps gently)

In the end, not only did I get almost all I wanted, but I wrapped it up too. Also, best chicken stew ever. I'd give you the recipe, but I've forgotten what I threw in the pot.