BurbleChaz

I took the new toy out for a short ride this evening. I hammered down past the docks to the Westgate Bridge, where there's a sign saying "Welcome to Melbourne - The World's Most Liveable City".

Later, after putting a pot in the oven, we went out for a beer. We can see one of our favourite bars from our apartment. It was shut. Again. If they're not busy around sevenish, they close. I'd put in a few Ks on the bike, and felt entitled to a beer or two, so we went to another pub. It was closed too, as was the one across the street from it. Did we miss the memo? Do all the pubs in this city close on Mondays as well as Sundays? Is there a website we could check?

Whenever people talk about Melbourne's 'Liveability' two things always crop up: Trams, and 'European-style cafe-culture'. Well, here's some news: Lots of cities have trams! Some even have street cafes. A few have both at the same time. A tiny minority have pubs, too. Let's do a quick round-up:

• Melbourne: Trams, Street cafes, weather that can kill you three ways in an afternoon, pubs that shut randomly.
• Paris: No trams, Street cafes, weather that can be a bit annoying, French Waiters.
• Rotterdam: Trams, Street cafes, can be chilly, excellent beer at all hours.
• Amsterdam: All that and drugs, too.
• London: No trams. The Tube. Street cafes with added soot. Drizzle. Lots and lots of beer. Even on Mondays!
• Berlin: Trams, Cafes, Reasonable weather except in winter, excellent beer, even on Sundays!
• Helsinki: Trams, Cafes, Hypothermia, Beer (caution - mortgage required).
• Atlanta: MARTA, no cafes, foetid climate, no beer on Sundays.

So, in a brief survey of eight cities, Melbourne comes seventh. Beating Atlanta should not be seen as a consolation. They started from a swamp.