BurbleChaz

Dear Birds,

We like you. We really do. We love to see you around, we watch you in and around the trees, and you bring us much happiness. Even the raucous squawking every dawn and dusk is a joy. However, when my first task on a Saturday morning involves removing your effluvia from the breakfast table on the balcony, my delight in your existence wears thin. No biccies for you chaps today.

Kind Regards,

Burblechaz

In polite company, crapping on the table at breakfast is considered a faux pas. Turning up for tea on the same day takes nerve. Bringing your girlfriend too? Strangely admirable.